Classic Albums: The Smurfs Go Pop.

We’ve been to London many times in our 4 and a half year career as a band. Many of these visits, especially the ones in the early days, were mostly terrible. We’d drive all the way from Glasgow in our old van Black Beauty (because it was black y’see?) and visit various facets of the music industry who would tell you lies to your face with a smile whilst shiny gold discs sat on the wall behind them. I think those gold discs had hypnotic qualities because we’d take it all in and think ‘Yes, this person is the king of the music industry! Next stop, the gold limo shop to buy our fleet of limos.’ We quickly realised that these trips were almost totally pointless, and also made us dislike music a little bit. As a fan of music since I got ‘The Smurfs Go Pop’ on cassette tape as a young boy, this was a disappointing reality. I assumed that the record industry was full of happy Smurfs & Smurfettes, deciding in tiny offices what songs to cover in shrill Smurf voices on the next compilation. When I found out there was no Smurfs and in there place were quite a lot of people with pound signs instead of eyes. And guess where we were playing next? LONDON. Yeeeeeah!

I should say that since then we have managed to find a group of people who actually seem to like music and still care about it. They still have human eyes aswell, which is much nicer than looking at a pound sign which is nice and curvaceous at first but only has one look which is this: £££. Anyway, the first thing we saw in London as we stepped onto it’s streets was a dog poo. It was like a metaphor for all those early visits. Tonight we were playing at the Islington Academy, which is in Islington, which is London. The show was sold out which felt like a massive achievement for us as it’s taken us a long time to win people over down here - I think they perhaps thought that Sam’s accent was some sort of regional joke for the first few years. We’d played the Islington Academy before, I think around February 2008, but it was supporting The Spill Canvas in the bar Academy. Which is a bar that they like to pretend is a venue too. I remember we had to come onto stage via a tiny door which was maybe tall enough for a Smurf to get through (look - bringing the Smurf chat back again, i’m always tying the story together, always thinking). It looked like we were coming out as guests on a children’s television show. This is not the image we were hoping to convey that night.

This time we were playing in the big boy room, where I also have a memory of playing the Twin Atlantic classic tour game ‘Bouncy Ball’ on the dance floor of that room before that fateful night with The Spill Canvas. ‘Bouncy Ball’ basically involved us bouncing many bouncy balls at each other. As you can imagine, it was the pinnacle of fun. The game started when we tried to buy a bouncy ball at a service station one night and the lid fell off the machine, giving us access to UNLIMITED bouncy balls. Well, there was a limit as the machine was not made of magic, eventually they would have ran out - but when does a man need more than 50 bouncy balls in his life? I wish someone had convinced us to take more that night, as we managed to lose every bouncy ball over the course of the next few months. And with that... the dream died. So there were some pained memories when I first walked back into the room. So many good bouncy balls... one even had a toy dog inside it. I loved that toy dog.

The emotional rubber sphere pain I was feeling was quelled by the fact that there was a Chilango literally a bouncy ball’s throw away from the venue. Chilango, for those who haven’t been enlightened, is a Mexican food establishment who specialize in explosive taste. One bite of their vegetarian burrito and any problem you’re experiencing in your life will magically go away - even if it’s a really big problem like you’re in love with your pet cat or you’ve ran over a child. Honestly, try one - the rice and beans are coated with a secret ingredient that I like to call ‘good vibes’. This tortilla wrapped bundle of joy set us up nicely for the gig, and a memorable one it was. We’ve had our fair share of bad headline shows in London too, two that come immediately to mind were our very first one when Sam tried to jump on my kit and missed and just smashed right through them, and the first time we headlined the Barfly when half the PA didn’t work. We don’t sound very good in mono. But tonight felt triumphant, the atmosphere in the room was amazing and it’s the first time a show in London has felt like we’re playing in Scotland. It felt good. The PA worked and Sam didn’t try to kamikaze through the drums either. Both were key factors in the show being a success I feel.

I’ve noticed that this whole entry has a bit of a nostalgia feel about it? I must be getting old. If I start to forget things, this blog will be a great way to remember how much of a great guy I am. Looks, intellect, brawn. This blog shows I have it all. And I tie all those perfect attributes together with the greatest character trait of all... Modesty.

I have neglected my camera yet again, please accept this picture of an old man smoking a cigarette as way of an apology....